


Fairymares and nighttales

by hereticpop



Category: SMAP
Genre: Crack, Fairy Tales, Gen, chibi!SMAP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-29
Updated: 2011-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-09 20:10:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/457897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereticpop/pseuds/hereticpop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Nakai-kun, tell us a story."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fairymares and nighttales

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dictionarysays](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dictionarysays).



Nakai has just, just got into bed, hoping to finally catch some sleep, when he hears a knock. On the door, undoubtedly. He casts a glance towards the other bed, but he doesn’t even need to see Mori’s sleeping form when he can hear the tell-tale snoring. He considers ignoring the knock, but the knock is stubborn and repeats itself three times, until a faint but determined “Nakai-kun?” reaches his ears.

Grumpily, Nakai leaves the promising haven of the bed and stomps to the door.

“What are you doing here?” he hisses, but Shingo gets past him and into the room, dragging behind a blanket in one hand and a Tsuyoshi in the other. Shingo is playing an innocent little angel, so it’s Tsuyoshi’s responsibility to pass Nakai an apologising look.

“Shingo couldn’t sleep and he didn’t want to come here alone…”

“ _We_ couldn’t sleep,” Shingo corrects immediately, with firmness uncharacteristic of a scared innocent little angel. “Tell us a story, Nakai-kun.”

Nakai, speechless, watches Shingo hop into _his_ bed, with Tsuyoshi sitting shyly on the edge.

“Aren’t you too big for bedtime stories?” he asks.

“Am I?” Shingo seems to consider. “Then will you tell us aaaaall about dirty stuff and girls?”

Nakai is standing too far away to smack him on the head.

“No.”

“Then a bedtime story.” Shingo is stubborn. Nakai looks around quickly as if an excuse could be hidden somewhere in the room, just waiting for him to grab it.

“We’re gonna wake Mori up if we talk,” he tries desperately.

“Too late,” comes from the other bed and Mori’s head raises from the pillow. “You already did. Now you have to tell a story to make up for it,” Mori smirks at him and Nakai grits his teeth but he’s defeated. He motions Shingo to make place as he gets into his bed and sits with his back propped against a wall.

“Alright. But it’s one story and then you go to sleep. All of you,” he sends Mori a deathly glare and receives a grin in response.

Shingo nods vehemently and Tsuyoshi smiles as he shifts a little closer.

“A long, long time ago…”

_A long, long time ago, in a village by a forest, there lived Shingo and Tsuyoshi, two annoying kids, who spent their days on playing stupid games and pestering other people. One day, they took a basket and decided to go to the forest to pick mushrooms. It was a very dark, wild and creepy forest and kids weren’t allowed to go there, but Shingo and Tsuyoshi were brats who didn’t listen to what they were told and so they went. Stories said that there lived wolves in the forest, and other dangerous creatures, but Shingo and Tsuyoshi had never seen a wolf in their whole lives, so they weren’t scared._

_Carefree as they were, they followed the path, holding hands and hopping and singing. If one was already taking a stroll in the forest, it was important not to stray from the path, because many evils hid between the trees and just waited for silly kids to wander into their hands. But Shingo and Tsuyoshi were bratty and naïve and they didn’t know about it, so soon they strayed from the path in search of mushrooms._

_The forest around them had got denser and darker, but they didn’t notice as they were wandering happily. But suddenly a strange figure appeared in the shadows. Shingo and Tsuyoshi felt anxious but they didn’t run as the figure approached them. It was Mori the bad, bad wolf, but they had never seen a wolf in their whole lives, so they didn’t recognise him._

_“Where are you going, little children?” Mori the bad, bad wolf asked them, flashing his sharp teeth._

_“We were just on the way to visit our grandma,” Tsuyoshi said._

“Uhm, Nakai-kun?”

“Don’t interrupt.”

“But Nakai-kun…”

“What?”

“What grandma?”

“The grandma you were going to visit.”

“But you said we were picking mushrooms.”

Nakai looks at Shingo incredulously.

“You were picking mushrooms for your grandma. I said that, you’re not listening. If you don’t listen properly, I’m gonna stop.”

“But you didn’t—” Tsuyoshi is cut off with a pillow Shingo throws at him.

“Why am I a wolf?”

“Shut. Up. All of you.”

_“We were just on the way to visit our grandma,” Tsuyoshi said._

_Mori the wolf nodded, as he started to circle them, and Shingo and Tsuyoshi instinctively stood closer to each other and squeezed their hands tighter together._

_“And where does your grandma live?” Mori asked._

_“She lives in a hut in this forest. We’re bringing mushrooms to her,” Shingo explained and showed Mori the basket, which was empty, because they hadn’t found any mushrooms yet._

_“But aren’t you afraid of the wolves?”_

_“Wolves?” echoed Shingo and Tsuyoshi, because they were bratty and naïve and they hadn’t seen a wolf in their whole lives and they didn’t know one when they saw it._

_Mori grinned, flashing his sharp teeth._

_“There are wolves in the forest that can get you and eat you, or do even worse things to you. You better run fast to your grandma’s house.”_

_Shingo and Tsuyoshi looked at each other in fear._

_“Let’s go,” Tsuyoshi tugged Shingo’s hand._

_“But I know a faster route to your grandma’s house…”_

“What worse things they would do to us?”

“Shingo…” Tsuyoshi tries to shush him, but Shingo seems genuinely curious.

“You wouldn’t want to know,” Nakai tells him with a blank face.

“But I do want to know! Is this some dirty stuff?”

“What’s with you and dirty stuff?!”

“He’s just started to discover things, Nakai-kun…”

Nakai sighs with exasperation.

“One more time and it’s the end of the story. Now where were we? Ah. So Shingo and Tsuyoshi ran as fast as they could…”

“Wait, what happened to the wolf?”

Nakai stares at Mori in disbelief.

“The moon showed up and the wolf was turned into stone, alright? Now…”

“But…”

“I said, one more time…”

They all go silent. Nakai smiles with triumph.

“As I was saying.”

_Shingo and Tsuyoshi ran as fast as they could. They ran and ran until they were too tired to run any further and they had to slow down. They weren’t hopping and singing anymore, they just walked, holding on to each other in fear. They tried to return to the path, but they couldn’t find their way among the trees. It seemed they were going to wander in circles, until suddenly they heard a repeated, dull sound coming from afar. They thought there had to be people there, whatever it was, so they decided to follow the sound, because they were bratty and naïve and they had never seen a lumberjack in their whole lives._

_The sound brought them to a clearing where they saw a man chopping wood with a big axe. It was Kimura the lumberjack and he was wearing a plaid shirt with rolled up sleeves that showed off his muscles and he had a big, big axe…_

“Oi. What are you all snickering at?”

“Is this your fantasy—” Mori doesn’t even finish speaking when a skilfully thrown pillow hits his face hard. He doesn’t really mind, collapsing onto the bed in laughter.

“You’re lucky I’m too lazy to get up,” Nakai threatens grimly.

_What Shingo and Tsuyoshi didn’t know, as they came closer, was that Kimura the lumberjack was a cannibal. He ate people. He used his axe to chop off their limbs and he liked to suck on their flesh while his victims were still alive._

“God, you’re so sick.”

_He smiled at Shingo and Tsuyoshi as they approached._

_“Are you lost, kids?” he asked._

“What is this, a pyjama party?”

As if they were caught doing something forbidden, all heads turn immediately to the door, where Kimura is standing, hair still wet from a shower. He doesn’t miss the wide-eyed stares he is given.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nakai-kun is telling us a story.”

“Eh, something scary?” Kimura decides to join. He turns a chair around and straddles it, resting his arms on the backrest.

“No, it’s a fairy-tale.”

“Alright, you can continue.”

Nakai seems discontent, but he clears his throat.

“Shingo and Tsuyoshi kept walking in the woods…”

“And what about Kimura the lumberjack?” Mori snickers.

“What, who?” Kimura stares. Nakai glares at both of them. Simultaneously.

“He wasn’t hungry. Haven’t I said something about interrupting?”

_Shingo and Tsuyoshi kept walking through the woods but they were only getting lost more. Because they hadn’t been lost enough already. Suddenly, when they were about to abandon all hope, Shingo spotted a light flickering in the distance. They hoped this time they would finally find help, or at least shelter for the night, and so they walked in the direction of the light._

_They walked and walked and the woods were getting thicker and darker. But they didn’t notice because they were bright and hopeful all over again and on top of that, they were naïve brats who hadn’t seen a witch in their whole lives._

_They arrived to another clearing and they saw a wooden hut and the light was coming from its window. Shingo pushed Tsuyoshi to the door and Tsuyoshi, having no choice, knocked. They waited but nothing happened and they waited more. When they thought no one would come, the door finally creaked and opened and a woman appeared. She was Goro the evil witch, but they didn’t know that._

_Goro the evil witch smiled in a particularly evil way and said,_

“Kimura-kun, are you here?”

“Seriously!” Nakai hits the mattress and feels around for a pillow he could throw, but there are none left.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Shingo points at Goro lingering around the doorframe nonchalantly. “We didn’t invite you!”

“Uhm, Kimura-kun wasn’t in our room, so I went to look for him…”

“Are you his shepherd dog or something?”

“Am I what?”

“Alright, enough!” Kimura snaps and both of them fall silent immediately. “You,” he turns to Goro, “get in or get out, in any case don’t stand in the doorway.”

Goro seems to hesitate, and Kimura rolls his eyes.

“Get in already!”

Goro does and he sits on the floor with his back against Mori’s bed. Nakai, who has been looking to the ceiling for help, quickly glances around to make sure he has the attention back.

“Let’s get it over with,” he says. “Uhm, what was it? Goro the evil witch smiled in a particularly evil way…”

“Are you guys making fun of me?”

Mori hits Goro with a pillow.

“It’s a fairy-tale,” Tsuyoshi explains.

“Yes, thank you. Now everyone shut up and listen.” Nakai takes a deep breath to continue and… nothing comes. He shakes his head, letting strands of hair fall onto his face, hoping he can shake some dregs of creativity out of their hiding places, but it’s still blank and empty. The exhaustion he forgot all about when Shingo and Tsuyoshi invaded the room starts to show again and he actually yawns. Five pairs of eyes are watching him in anticipation.

“Well?”

Nakai shrugs. “Well, the end. I have no idea. Now everyone get your asses out and back to your rooms, goodnight.”

“But you can’t leave a story unfinished!” Shingo pouts and Nakai almost apologises, because damned if it isn’t the cutest pout in the world.

“Finish it yourself, I’m going to sleep.”

There’s some discontent grunting and shifting in places as everyone seems to consider leaving, but then, and Nakai swears Mori will earn himself a beating by the end of the night, Mori says,

“Alright, I can tell the ending!”

They listen.

_Goro the evil witch let the kids inside. Her house was small and wooden and the shadows in the corners scared Shingo and Tsuyoshi. They went into the kitchen and there was a big cauldron on the stove, in which water boiled, waiting for ingredients to be added._

_“What are you going to cook, Mrs. Evil Witch?” asked Shingo._

_But Goro didn’t answer and only cackled evilly._

_Before Shingo and Tsuyoshi could wonder what that meant, they heard a knock on the door._

_“Now who could it be at this time?” muttered Goro the witch to herself, as she went to get the door. It was no one else than Mori the bad, bad wolf, who…_

“Wait a minute. Mori the bad wolf was turned into stone.”

“But that was stupid!” Mori exclaims in defence. “And I didn’t get enough screen time!”

“Why was Mori the bad wolf turned into stone?” Kimura asks, a little lost.

“The moon turned him.”

“That’s really stupid,” Kimura agrees.

“You don’t know how to tell stories, neither of you,” Goro suddenly says and all the others look at him astonished.

“Would you do better?”

“Sure.”

“Alright. Let’s listen.”

_Goro the evil witch let the kids inside. Her house was small and wooden, but very stylish, with tasty wall decorations and a fluffy carpet. The light came from red candles in iron candleholders, of which there was a lot around the whole house to give enough light, but still some shadows lingered in the corners, scaring Shingo and Tsuyoshi. Goro led them into the kitchen, where there were more candles and they could see her better. She had very long, sleek black hair, which gleamed in the candlelight beautifully and shimmered as she moved, flowing around her like a dark veil. Her dress was black too, with multiple puffy skirts that rustled gently when she walked and she wore a silk scarf…_

“Stop.”

Goro looks around in surprise at the slightly amused but mostly disgusted faces of his band mates.

“What?” he asks. “Was the scarf too much?”

Behind him he can hear a loud thud as Mori drops onto the bed, Kimura pretends to fall off his chair and Shingo buries his face in Nakai’s chest, chanting, “Nakai-kun, make him disappear, make him disappear.”

Nakai sighs. Then he turns to Tsuyoshi.

“You try.”

“Eh, what? Making Goro-kun disappear?” Tsuyoshi asks uncertainly.

“ _No_. Telling the story.”

Tsuyoshi panics and moves back on the bed until he is huddled against the wall. He pulls up his knees and puts his arms around them.

“I can’t tell stories,” he shakes his head.

“You can’t be worse than Goro. Try.”

“No, no, I really can’t.”

Tsuyoshi starts to look like he is going to cry, so Kimura rolls his eyes at Nakai and hits the back of the chair to get everyone’s attention.

“I will,” he announces. They all turn to him immediately.

_Goro the evil witch let the kids into her kitchen, where water boiled in a huge cauldron on the stove._

_“Are you going to cook dinner, Mrs. Witch?” Shingo asked._

_“Oh, I definitely am,” Goro clasped her palms together and grinned widely._

_“And what is it that you are going to cook?” asked Tsuyoshi._

_“I’m going to cook YOU,” Goro said and cackled._

_Shingo and Tsuyoshi screamed but there was no one that could hear them. Or so they thought. The evil witch tied them up and made them sit in the corner of the kitchen, while she watched over the cauldron, adding vegetables and spices to make it into a nourishing soup._

_“I don’t want to be boiled with carrots,” Shingo cried. “I hate carrots.”_

_“But carrots are good for your health,” Tsuyoshi tried to comfort him, which only ended in Shingo crying louder._

_Suddenly they heard a loud thump from above, as if something hit the roof of the house._

_“Damn pigeons,” Goro the witch muttered as she stirred the soup._

_But there was another thump of something falling to the ground and then somebody knocked. On the window._

_It was dark outside, so they couldn’t see who it was. Goro the witch went to open the window, but as soon as she did, a swirl of fluffy pink ruffles and ribbons fell in and attacked her and knocked her to the ground._

_“Hah!” exclaimed the fairy godmother Nakai, triumphantly straddling Goro the evil witch. She may have looked vulnerable in her pink dress with ribbons, but she was actually very strong and her thighs kept Goro locked in a deathly grip._

_“What are you going to do to me?” Goro wept._

_“I’m going to turn you into stone,” fairy Nakai said. And she did. Then she untied the poor kids, who hugged her and thanked her with tears in their eyes._

_The three of them then ate the soup, and as evil as Goro was, they had to admit she made great soup. After that fairy Nakai led Shingo and Tsuyoshi out of the woods and back to their home. And they lived happily ever after._

“The end,” Kimura says in case they haven’t realised. Mori, Tsuyoshi and Goro clap, Nakai glares at him and Shingo seems to be still lying on Nakai’s chest and breathing steadily…

“Has he fallen asleep during _my_ story?” Kimura exclaims, but Nakai immediately shows him to keep it quiet because yes, Shingo has fallen asleep. It seems like they achieved the initial goal, which they have completely forgotten about somewhere on the way.

“I guess I’ll go to sleep in his bed,” Nakai says, trying to wriggle himself from under Shingo, but it’s not that easy, especially not when Tsuyoshi tries to squeeze himself into the non-existent space between Shingo and the wall.

“Can’t we stay here, Nakai-kun?” he asks in a small voice.

Nakai’s mouth instinctively forms a “No!”, but it dissolves in another yawn and he gives up and just sinks down to lie more comfortably.

“Whatever. Just give me my pillow.”

Goro looks at Kimura questioningly.

“I’m staying here,” Kimura claims as he hops onto Mori’s bed. Goro doesn’t move from his spot, so Kimura sits up and it’s his turn to raise his eyebrows in a question.

“Are you sleeping on the floor? Like a shepherd dog?”

“Come on, Goro-kun,” Mori shifts on the bed to make room for him and Goro gets up and lies on the bed too.

“You could go turn off the light first,” Nakai mumbles from his side.

“But I will have to come back in the dark?”

“Turn off the light.”

Goro does and comes back in the dark and everything is silent. They can hear each other’s breathing and it’s really not comfortable with three people in one bed and it’s definitely not going to be a good night’s sleep, but it doesn’t matter all that much.

“Hey. Will we talk dirty now?” Kimura asks suddenly. A pillow whizzes through the room and hits him on the head.

“Who’s thrown this?!”

“Your fairy godmother,” Nakai grunts. “Now give it back.”

“I won’t.”

“Give it back.”

“Come and get it.”

“But we were just… picking mushrooms…” Shingo mumbles in deep sleep.


End file.
